For a few years I have really liked all of the “kid necklaces” that a lot of my friends wear. I was going to order one before Max died but I wasn’t quite sure which one I liked and then life and busyness got in the way. Well my friends Amy, Michelle and Sabrina remember me complimenting their necklaces a few months ago at during our small group. Those ladies knew Max from small group and being in the nursery and with the two-year-olds during church on Sundays. So they knew them. He played with their kids. Their kids knew Max. This is a big deal to me. Well they gave me a necklace yesterday that they had made for me. If we have another baby I can add his or her name a birth stone to the necklace. I cried when they gave it to me. I have been thinking lately that the further out that I get from when Max was alive the more strange it is. At least so far. It feels like time is frozen when he was alive last spring and I’m stuck there because he’s still there as a little giggling, curious, helpful, mud loving three-year-old. Yet I’m also living in the present with Kelly and Molly. Molly is growing and developing and Kelly and I are aging as well but we still have a three-year-old son and Molly has a three-year-old big brother. But he’s not here – he’s in heaven. It is still all so strange and it just doesn’t make any sense to my human brain. I also feel that the further away Max being alive becomes the more and more he will be forgotten and that being a reality makes me so very sorrowful and I just ache all over. I don’t want for people to not know Max because he isn’t here. Hence the necklace is very special to me because it acknowledges that he is our son and Molly’s big brother. I don’t need the necklace to remember Max but it is very special to me.